My restaurant rant!

Alright guys here's the deal about going out to eat at restaurants late at night...
First off you must know that when ur out and about with ur friends dining at restaurants at night, you must know that there is a group of restaurant staff everyone from managers, to chefs to cooks to dishwashers to hosts to runners, to waiters, to expediters to a whole bunch of other people working their asses off to serve you so here are MY things kitchen/restaurant staff wont tell you!!

1.If you're eating at a busy restaurant be ready to wait for your food. Dont complain because aside from your order, we are cooking 9 other people's orders all at the same time and you asking for substitutions isnt helping us out at all and can throw us off when we are slammed with a billion orders at once already.
3.When we are slammed (slammed means unbelievably busy... like when we have a ton of orders to do all at once.. just a note for those of you not familiar with american slang) we still have to have ur food at ur table all at the same time hot and looking pretty.
There are a lot of orders coming in at once so if we get ur order wrong... we bring you what you ordered and take it off ur bill.
4.If you are allergic to seafood, let your waiter know because if you order a meat dish and it is grilled, we grill fish and meat on the same grill just at different ends of the grill but there is still a possibility that we grilled ur meat too close to where we grill the fish. so do let us know.
5. If you have a peanut allergy, please dont ask for peanuts on the side. why do you want them on the side if youre allergic to them??
6. When you eat out in a large group, try to order dishes that you can share... large groups of people means large list of orders we must cook at the same time so we make 7 dishes and that will only be youre table alone... now we are backed up with 8 other tables. So please try to be considerate... late at night because we have been working our asses off and would love to leave work as soon as possible.
7.PLEASE DO NOT WALK INTO A RESTAURANT 5 MINUTES BEFORE CLOSING TIME... that means we now have to cook ur food just as we were putting our stuff away... now we have to wait until you take ur sweet time eating and still stick around to see if you feel like ordering dessert!!! And believe me, the pastry department is the last to leave because what comes after the main meal? YES!!! DESSERT!!! so when the restaurant closes it's doors, the cooks that cook the savory food get to close up shop and go home but the pastry people have to wait until you take ur time eating ur meal then order dessert. so we wait until the last customer leaves to start cleaning up and putting things away... we are still working an hour after the restaurant closes... we want you all out as soon as possible because we have a solid hour of cleaning and putting things away before we can leave.
BUT THE DISHWASHERS ARE THE ABSOLUTE LAST ONES TO LEAVE. THEY HAVE THE WORST JOB IN THE RESTAURANT BECAUSE THERE ARE TONS OF DISHES AND CONTAINERS WATING TO BE WASHED AT THE END OF THE NIGHT SO NOW ALL MY DIRTY DISHES THAT HAVE BEEN SITTING THERE WAITING FOR YOU TO ORDER, ARE NOW TRANSFERRED TO THE DISHWASHER SO I GET TO LEAVE NOW BUT THEY STILL STAY FOR ANOTHER HOUR AFTER THE COOKS LEAVE!! PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE.
8. We are masters of multi-tasking cooking and the speed we cook at will amaze you.
9.DO YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTIES AT HOME OR A FRIENDS HOUSE!!! OR A PARK!!! we have to prepare your food and your guests food all at once, and while we are doing that, we are getting slammed with tickets(orders) from a bunch of other tables so we have to do ur party and hold the orders from other guests so we can get your party over with and once we send out your food and dessert, we need to now cook and send out the ton of orders that were piling up while we were cooking the food/dessert for you and your guests!!! so now we have to work as fast as lightening to get the other food out on time.
It would be very considerate if you do a nice party at home or a park or friends or relative's house... parties at a restaurant when the cooks are already slammed? not very considerate. If you provide the cake for your own celebration at a restaurant, we serve your cake but we have some of it too.. LOL
10.The pay sucks but we've eaten food from all over the world. We eat for free and snack when we have a chance to do so... we've also eaten some of the finest food in the world!! (depending what restaurant we work in)... and we have extensive knowledge of food from all parts of the world... some of us have worked at mexican restaurants, french restaurants, italian, greek, chinese, hungarian, ethiopian, israeli etc... you name it, we probably have worked in at least one of those and do know the food quite well. Also, we learn and write down the recipes for the food of every restaurant we work in... we have tons of recipes at home from all the restaurants we've worked at. LOL
11.We cook food for lots of celebrities so that 56 dollar steak you paid for, is the same kind the celebrities paid for except they get a free entree and free dessert. (we call it complimentary entree or dessert.
12. we like when you compliment us after eating our food. It makes our long shift a little better.
13. The savory food kitchen and pastry kitchen swap food. They cook us dinner, we give them dessert and vise versa.
14, Most pastry chefs/cooks are skinny or not fat at all because we already stuffed ourselves with pastries we want no more. we are around it so much we just dont feel like eating any.
15. you dont like leftovers? well dont eat at restaurants because even at the finest restaurants some of the meat/pastries left over from dinner service is wrapped up and served the next day... perfectly normal in the restaurant business.
16. Almost everything on your plate was just heated up.. most of the stuff is made/pre cooked by the prep cooks then the line cooks finish cooking the dish when you order it and then send it out.
17. If you are vegan, please research the pastry menu before going... we bend backwards to please you and if you order something that we have that is completely vegan... and we are not a vegan friendly restaurant, that vegan option isnt that great so if we tell you your options and you order something anyway and send it back when you get it, we are not happy with you and you just wasted our time.... and yours.
18. Most of our cooks are hispanic so spanish is almost a must when you work in a kitchen... in american at least.
19.If you dont know spanish and you start working in a restaurant... you will learn spanish for sure. I promise. LOL
20.you drink only filtered water?? the water we serve you is tap water and the water we made/cooked your food with is all tap water... everything from sauces to stocks and soups... all made with tap water. :)

Just an extra... at some places we've worked in... when we have a very busy night and have stayed strong... the manager usually gives everybody a glass of wine or beer from the restaurant at the end of the night as a thank you for working hard.

well that's my rant for tonight/today ok it's 2:38am here in L.A. I need my sleep.